what if i run out of things to say?

Writing ideas usually come to me all the time.

Little nuggets here and there.

I try to be organized and keep track of ideas in a proper list but often they end up on sticky notes jammed in my notebook. 

For an organized person it both amuses and stumps me that I am so haphazard in my approach. 

Maybe that is part of the creative process. Maybe it is not meant to be linear and organized.

The past week I have struggled to write. The words are not coming to me. Everything feels blurry.

When I look back at all the essays I have penned this year I wonder if maybe I am out of words. Maybe I have run out of things to say.     

What if I put my writing out into the big wide internet world only to find out I have nothing left to say? The proverbial pen is out of ink. The word well is dry. 

What if for the first time in a long time I feel truly seen and heard by sharing my stories with others only to find that the words no longer come? As I think about this I can feel panic rising. I start to question what I have done. Why did I tell people what I was doing? Why did I make myself vulnerable? Can I go back and hide now?

I pause. I take a deep breath. And I write a little. Then a little more. It is a grind at first but I am in motion. Bit by bit I can feel the flow coming. Bit by bit I get into the rhythm. The words are trickling onto the page. Today I wrote. And tomorrow I will write again. I know that I won’t run out of things to say because my inspiration comes from the always moving world around me. So … suck it fear. I do have things to say!

Fear is a powerful thing. 

It can paralyze you. 

Or, it can motivate you. 

If you lean into it. If you give it a little tickle. You will find that maybe, just maybe, the thing you fear most isn’t that big a deal after all. 

I wrote today and will write again tomorrow. And I know, that even though it might be shit on the page in one sitting it is a small step towards something beautiful in the next. 

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