thoughtful gifts
Last year on Father's Day my husband got a new barbecue. What an amazing gift, right? Can you picture the joy? Can you see the massive ribbon tied around his new shrine to all things meat? Can you envision him walking blindfolded to the backyard and hear the cries of "surprise!" from his loving children? Well ... spoiler, the reality was that his barbecue gift was a giant flop.
Instead of creating an experience around the gift, instead of being thoughtful and loving and kind, instead of listening to him when he said he wanted to buy a barbecue on his own I totally did none of those things. I was frustrated that he had been talking about getting a new grill for months and nothing had happened. So, on Father’s Day I wrote this in his card:
"Happy Father's Day. Go buy yourself a barbecue". Love, Sarah
Needless to say it didn't go over well. He wasn't happy. He looked at the card, put it down and said, "Thanks" in the most sarcastic way possible. This was followed by a few not-so-nice words from me, some stomping around and any Father's Day celebrations basically came to a close. At the time, I was too annoyed by his reaction to really think it through. He had been talking about a damn barbecue for months. Why wasn't he just going out and getting one? I was tired of looking at our old piece of crap barbecue that, in my opinion, was basically a fire hazard. And, yet, he had continued to use it all the time.
I thought about that day for a while. What it really boiled down to was that I made Father's Day about what I wanted. I wanted him to have a new barbecue. I wanted him to be excited to go shop for one. I didn't listen to what he was telling me which was he wanted to research and pick it out himself when he was ready. He didn't want a barbecue for Father's Day. I had just gone and did what I thought he should want. I made his special day about me.
There is something about knowing you are loved. Something about gifts that are given in such a way that show that the people you love care. It makes you feel seen and known. On Mother's Day this year my boys gave me a giant bag of jube jubes (the Dare super soft kind from the bulk food store), a large package of Super Nibs liquorice along with a hilarious card. I felt totally loved. They knew what my favourite treats are. They knew what would make me smile and laugh. I didn't need or want anything fancy or expensive. I just wanted an acknowledgement in a thoughtful, personal way that I meant something to them.
I am all about the everyday moments. About the sticky notes that say "I love you". About the giggles over a funny TikTok in the evening. Or, about surprising someone with a coffee in the afternoon. To me, life is a series of moments that all add up over time. Last year, on Father's Day, I let my own expectations and the outside influences of social media cloud my judgement which resulted in that Sunday in June going sideways.
This year, I promise I have been listening. This year, I have had my spidey feelers out for a while. As always, I am grateful for the guy in this picture who keeps me on an even keel, who loves our boys more than anything and who knows me better than anyone else.
And, this year, I am definitely not buying a barbecue.
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