the candle of hope
One year at Christmas I got to light the Candle of Hope at church. It was a pretty big deal. Every year, during the Christmas Eve service, the advent candles of Hope, Joy, Love and Peace followed by the Christ candle to honour the birth of Jesus were lit. This particular Christmas, I was home from university and a group of us, who had been in church school together all our lives, were lighting the candles.
I vividly remember walking down the long aisle at church nervously holding the candle with one hand while carefully protecting it with the other so it wouldn't blow out. As I got to the front, I turned to face the congregation and, in that moment, while looking out over the expectant faces in the darkened, candlelit sanctuary, I froze. In front of me was a wreath that held all the advent candles. I stared at it in complete confusion. I knew I had a passage to recite. It wasn't long. Maybe five or six lines. But as I stood there I had no clue what I was to say. I couldn't even remember what candle I was holding. All I knew is that I had to light a candle. As I stepped forward to light one of the candles (figuring even the wrong candle was better than nothing) I saw that a small note had been placed next to each candle saying which one was which. In that moment I remembered the name of the candle I was to light and stuttered out "This is the candle of Hope. Hope".
With a red face and shaking hands I scurried away to join my family in a pew. I was horrified. The church was packed that night. I didn't have the experience to attempt to hide that I had no clue what was I was doing. Even people who were having a church-nap (ahem, Dad) stirred long enough to notice! But you know what ... I found the humour in the experience and learned that even when you are prepared for something (or maybe not so prepared as was the case this time) things won't always go as planned.
As I think back to the darkened church that night I am reminded that even in a dark room candles shine brightly. This December has felt particularly dark. We are approaching our shortest day of the year making the nights long both literally and figuratively. I am worn out by pandemic-land. I am stressed not knowing what dire pronouncement is coming next. I am worried that actions being taken by governments and health officials are setting potentially dangerous precedents for generations to come. And, I am frustrated that we still find ourselves in this position all these months later.
I remind myself that darkness is not a destination. It is merely a hallway we pass through along the path of life. Some hallways are longer but some hallways have windows that provide a reprieve along the way. Summer and early Fall was our reprieve and now we are back in the darkness. I could choose to sit and be mad. Sit and do nothing. Sit and be frustrated. Sit and worry. And, to be honest, that is what I have been doing for the past week. Sitting and wallowing and staying still in the hallway of darkness. No more.
I might not have control over what happens around me. But I can control my vision for the future. I am fully in charge of my ability to be hopeful for the year to come, to find joy in places that may not be obvious, to love hard on the people who matter most to me in life and to find an inner peace with the world around me. All of these things are fully within my control.
Most of all I choose hope. I choose to be hopeful for a world where we can hug and travel and dance with abandon. I choose to be hopeful for my kids to play their sports, see their friends and act like foolish teenagers. And, I choose to be hopeful that families who have struggled in 2020 will find stable footing come 2021.
The Candle of Hope burns brightly in the darkness and I know this period of time will not last forever. I know I can control of how I react to the world around me. No one can tell me how to feel regardless of what the news is saying. And, I don’t need to react to others around me. Today, I choose to walk through the hallway of darkness towards a joyful, loving and peaceful world on the other side.
Hope, just like the candle I lit in church all those years ago, will always shine bright.
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