a new year

A new year.

As I write, 2021 thus far has felt a lot like 2020. There are daily hits of pandemic doom. Shocking events continue to happen around the world and, particularly, in our neighbouring country to the south. Schools are closed until at least the end of the month. Not much is open and we are all hanging out at home. It is groundhog day all day every day.

But ... time marches on. Every morning I write the date in my journal and it is most definitely 2021. As much as it feels like 2020 it is not. Reminding myself of this every day helps me move forward.

I always think about the promise of a new year by looking back at the year that just passed.

At the start of 2020 I had no idea how the year would end up. None of us did. It is almost comical now looking back at declarations about how amazing 2020 would be. It reminds me of those apocalyptic movies where people are posing for a picture oblivious to the fact that there is a massive meteor barreling towards them in the background. Those movies always seem so far fetched. And, well, if 2020 has proven anything, it is that shit can happen when you least expect it.

Each year I put together a family photo album that weaves together a visual story of our year. In 2020, the months of January, February and early March were filled with a plethora of events, gatherings and travel. The buzz of life with a busy household of five people going in five different directions. As I worked through April, May and into June the photos told a very different story. The pages were filled with puzzles, hikes in the woods, our little family unit gathered around our dining table at home and faces buried in laptops with remote learning. The contrast between the start of the year and the Spring months was significant. I am glad I made a point of taking photos in the months we were totally shut down because, in the moment, each day seemed the same. My collection of photos reminds me that in a time and space where it felt like we were standing still we continued to live life.

In the past, I have made resolutions and, often, developed elaborate frameworks and corresponding metrics to measure my progress. I would start with great gusto then generally lose momentum, get off course and feel like a fat failure for not doing what I set out to. What I know now is that those goals were driven by external factors. What I perceived others expected of me. What I needed to do to fit in and be accepted. What I needed to do to feel seen. What I thought the definition of success was. They weren't goals that I felt deep inside. They weren't aligned with what made me truly tick. And, to be honest, I was ignoring my intuition.

For all the the unexpected of 2020 I am leaving the year behind with gratitude for the great pause. 2020 gave me the clarity and confidence to start writing consistently and sharing my work publicly. I felt emboldened to say fuck it to a number of things that weren't working in my life and got clear on how I wanted to live and the energy I wanted to feel around me. I am excited for this to continue in 2021.

I have been giving a lot of thought to my ideal lifestyle. What do I want my week/month/year to look like? What do I want to do more of? What do I need to do less of? What gives me life and energizes me? If 2020 has taught me anything it is that you cannot sit around waiting for life to begin. Time passes and before you know it all the things you have dreamed of are exactly that - a dream. Together, with Brad, my husband, we are getting clear on the lifestyle we want to has as we get older.

With that in mind I am setting some intentions for this year. Some are things that I am already doing and want to continue. Some are new. An active lifestyle is a priority for me and makes me a better, happier human. I want to continue to explore provincial parks near and far (got the annual park pass!), continue practicing yoga every day (I am on day 41 in a row now!) and continue to hike in the woods at least twice a week.

I am going to do an overnight backpacking trip this summer or fall. I have done canoe tripping and car camping before but never backpacking so keen to give that a try (surprise, hubs! I added that one to our list!). I have had a number of people ask to hike with me and experience some of the local trails. With that in mind, I am going to organize a group hike each month.

Writing will continue to be a big part of my life in 2021. I will publish a book (!) and have been planning out the details. I am going to action some of the ideas I have had since I shared my writing publicly. I am wildly grateful to have connected with so many wonderful people in unique and amazing ways and am realizing that there is more to say, more to do and more ways to serve. Stay tuned for what that will look like.

Family dinners will continue to be a priority. Rearranging our house during the Spring quarantine and creating a dining space that was comfortable to hang out in has meant that we lounge during and after dinner almost every night. It is my most favourite part of the day hands down. During this current lockdown it has helped us stay connected and not just zone out on our screens.

And, finally, I am going to stop reading the news several times during the day. In December my anxiety was barely manageable so I am taking back control of when I hear bad news. For now, I have hidden all my news apps on my phone several screens over so I don't see them when I first look (out of sight out of mind) and the same goes for social media (especially Facebook).

I have seen a lot of posts declaring good riddance to 2020 but the year was not entirely a bust. Life goes on even if it is different than what you thought it would be. Time doesn't stand still. Birthdays happen. Babies are born. Marriages start and end. We can choose what we want our own unique passage of time to look like. I am choosing to focus on what I gained in 2020 instead of what I lost. It wasn't what I expected but as the new year begins I am looking forward with a sense of clarity and optimism for the future. And, I am excited to see what my 2021 family photo album will look like.

Happy New Year. I hope 2021 brings you gifts you didn't expect and experiences you never knew you needed to have. Thank you for reading and commenting and connecting with my work. I am humbled and eternally grateful.

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