and

It is January. The excitement of the holidays has passed. I am dreaming of warmer weather and sunnier days.

For now, I hunker down and honour the season for what it is. A time of retreat. A time to think. A time to reset. A time to bundle up and walk outdoors, the cold air stinging my cheeks. A time to curl up in a ball with my hot water bottle tucked tight against my body (her name is Lucy in case you were wondering).

Get outside. Retreat. Think deep thoughts. Scroll Instagram. Read a book. Watch mindless TV. Even in the dark doldrums of winter when all seems the same, life is a series of Ands.

I can be grateful for what I have AND thirsty for more.

I can be joyful AND sad.

I can be numb AND have big feelings.

I can be super smart AND say dumb things.

I can be off the charts confident AND super anxious.

I can be excited AND scared.

I can be energized AND exhausted.

I can be optimistic AND gloomy.

I can be many things in a day and in a moment. I can embrace the ANDs of life even when it doesn’t make sense. By acknowledging that it is okay to feel multiple things at once means I don't have to pretend to be a certain way when I'm not.

I love the way Brene Brown addresses this in her book “Atlas of the Heart”. She identifies the ANDs of life as the appearance of contradiction between two related components. A paradox. She also points out that forcing a choice can result in turmoil. Her research has shown that when you accept both the opposing forces of a paradox as valid you can form the foundation for creativity, innovation and productivity.

The truth is each day will have multiple realities and that is the beauty of life. As we work through the never ending world of pandemic-land it is guaranteed that we will feel many things at any given moment. Sadness for kids that their favourite sports are sidelined AND gratitude that we get to spend more time together. Anger that we have zero leadership in our province AND joy at seeing communities supporting each other in hard times.

The good. The bad. The beauty. The ugly. All of it.

Even in the darkest of winter days the sun will always find a way to shine through.

And. Always And.

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