a passenger now

Remember the freedom of driving as a teenager? I do. It was magical.

One of my sons got his driver's license a few months ago. He was determined to get it as soon as he could and eagerly booked one of the first test dates he could find. 

Test day arrived and we got there early so he could drive around to practice backing into a parking spot and checking the blind spot like like his life depended on it. He was nervous. So was I! 

The testing centre was running behind schedule so we waited and watched. Waited for an examiner to come to the car. Watched others go out for their tests. Waited some more. Watched cars get awkwardly backed into a parking spot. Waited. Watched. Observed. Listened. I overheard one examiner shaking his head in frustration that so few students had passed that day. I watched a gaggle of driving instructors stand on the lawn beside the parking lot waiting. I saw someone turned away at the door because they had arrived too late for their test. I was happy for the distractions but growing more nervous for him as time passed.

Finally an examiner approached the car. I backed away and went to lean against the wall of the nearby building. After what seemed like an eternity he returned from the road test with a big smile on his face. He had passed. He was now officially a licensed driver!

He was beyond excited. I heaved a sigh of relief.

He drove home from the test centre that day. On the highway. The sun was shining. The tunes were on full blast. We laughed as we talked about all the things we had seen while we waited. It felt relaxed. Like I was hanging out in a friend's car.

All of a sudden I was a passenger. No longer at the wheel. He didn’t have to wait for me to give him a drive. He wasn’t stuck at home with nowhere to go. He could go hang with friends that were further than a bike ride away. He could leave work when he was done without having to wait for me to pick him up. 

That afternoon things changed. That afternoon he grew up. In a way, it felt all of a sudden. But it wasn’t. He was ready. He had been watching since he was a young boy. In that one moment, when he passed his road test, he transformed.

He stepped into that shining, sunny afternoon as a young man full of promise.

As his Mum I knew that our time in the car would never be the same. I wouldn't be the one ordering at the drive through. I wouldn't be the one waiting in the pick up lane at school. I wouldn't be the one trying to stay awake to pick him up at a party on a Friday night. It was all him. It was time.

I miss our times together in the car. I miss our chats that happened as we drove to school or the rink. I miss having a car full of kids. Time has passed in the blink of an eye. 

I might not be in the driver’s seat anymore but I am forever grateful to be a passenger as he steps forward into his own life.

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