on the stories we share

You can either read today’s essay or listen. Either way, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

"I'm the third lobster in the nativity play!"

Did you know there were three lobsters present at the birth of Jesus?

I love this scene from the movie Love Actually as the young girl excitedly announces to her mum that she is to play the role of the third lobster. Whether or not we believe there were not one, not two but three lobsters at the birth of Jesus isn't relevant. It is the memory created I love. 

I grew up hearing stories from my Papa that Jesus was born in a stable because there was no room at the motel (he was supposed to say “inn”). For him, it wasn't about the accuracy of the nativity story, it was about telling us how he messed his lines up one year as a young boy.

I loved hearing his stories. He could have been talking about toothpaste and I would have been captivated.

It makes me think about the stories we pass down from generation to generation. What are the traditions that go along with the story? How have they evolved over the years?

I think about the angels in our lives and wonder what questions I would ask them now. What did they never get a chance to share? What parts of their lives did we just not talk about?

I recently invited a wonderful group of ladies to my home to sit down and reflect on stories that have shaped our lives during the holiday season. We thought about things like our favourite Christmas presents and moments from when we were little girls. We talked about traditions that were meaningful to us growing up. 

We talked about what we do now with our own children and how things have evolved as they've gotten older. It was an evening to pause and reflect and, in some cases, remember things about the holidays we hadn't thought about in years. It was an invitation with no obligation to share but, as the evening went on, you could feel a deepening connection in the room.

I learned so much from people I thought I already knew well. It was truly beautiful.

That night, I realized I have never told my kids how, growing up, my family used to go out for Chinese food followed by skating at Nathan Philips Square in downtown Toronto. We’d stop by the Christmas windows at The Bay and then skate under the glow of the lights. Some nights it was freezing and we didn't last very long. On other nights I can remember my parents having to haul us off the ice. One year, on our way back to the car, my sisters and I made a game of bursting out of a phone booth and yelling "I'm Tina! Tina Turner!". Why Tina Turner? Good question!

It makes me chuckle thinking about how my suburban-raised kids will never know such an urban experience. Or a phone booth, for that matter.

I wonder if my kids will remember the picture on the stairs we take every Christmas morning. They used to all fit nicely in a row. Now that they are almost fully grown, they are piled on top of each other in an awkward, teenage-limbed heap. And, my husband always puts Bingo lottery cards in our stockings and we scratch them together to see if we won anything. One year we will hit it big. One year. 

The season is always so busy and, at times, it feels as though I am on auto-pilot getting it all done. Never stopping to think about what am doing. Do you feel this way?

That evening proved to be one of reflection and connection. I will be hosting more events like this in the future covering a variety of themes. It will be an opportunity to reflect and jot down stories. Some might be in a journal and others a letter. Some might be amongst friends and others with strangers. There may be opportunities to share experiences but there is never an obligation. I am feeling my way through what this will look like. If this is something that might interest you (whether you are local or not) let me know.

One thing I have learned over the past few years is the power of pausing to reflect. Of sharing our stories. Of finding connection with others through our common experiences. Of quieting the noise to be curious and find clarity on what is really important to us.

What are some questions you could ask your loved ones this holiday season? What are you going to ask your kids? What is the one memory that you can share that maybe nobody in your family has heard?

I will definitely share my skating and phone booth memory this holiday season. And, I'd love to know more about the third lobster in Love Actually's nativity play. But that might have to wait for another year to find out.

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